


The Words Come Out All Wrong

by andiebeaword



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Confessions of love, Drawn Out Foreplay, F/M, Fingering, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex (Fem Receiving), Penetrative Sex, Unprotected Sex, Unrequited Love (that really isn't), cursing, use of a vibrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:08:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29951826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiebeaword/pseuds/andiebeaword
Summary: Spencer and Reader grew up together, Reader being a couple years older than Spencer. They met while he was playing chess and she was playing Red Rover. A couple of years later, she helps him after he gets tied to the flagpole. As they grew up, the two lost touch, only reconnecting over a decade later in a coffee shop. Spencer and Reader ask each other questions that bring up old, unrequited feelings.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	1. There's a Feeling Here that Never Ends

"Red rover, red rover, send Y/N right over!"

I felt a strong sense of pride whenever I heard my name being called during my favorite playground game. I loved the feeling I'd get everytime I broke the bonds of two people across from me, usually ones I never cared to get to know outside of recess.

Today was no different. Except for the moment I laid my eyes on the younger kid who would rather read in the shade than toss a four-square ball around. He always wore glasses, and his messy mop of hair screamed for someone to take him to the nearest barber. I probably would've overlooked him, honestly, if it wasn't for those eyes. The second I locked mine with his, I was a goner. He was playing chess with some older kid, then an adult.

I tried almost too hard to pretend I hadn't noticed him. He was a grade above me, but a couple years younger. Most kids only knew him at the 'smart kid.' I wanted to know him by his name. When it was my turn to run, I ran faster than ever before. Naturally, I had no problem breaking the chainlink arms of two of my classmates. Instead of joining the line and linking my arm up with one of theirs, I waved my hand at them, motioning that I was out. The boy playing chess looked way more interesting than Red Rover right now.

"Hi, whatchya doing?" The boy had a hand on a rook, flinching at my voice, he swerved his hand across the board, knocking over all but a few pieces. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, here, let me help you." I quickly bent down to pick up as many figurines as I could, careful to place them in their corrective spots. He looked at me in wonder, I noticed, like he hadn't seen a girl before.

"You-you play chess?" I didn't. I mean, my grandpa once tried to teach me, but I was far too impatient at the coveted age of eight. I wanted to do more interesting things like play with Barbies, or go skateboarding. Now, I wished I had paid better attention to my grandpa's interests.

"No," I muttered. "Not, not really. My grandpa tried to teach me once...I just remember where the pieces are supposed to go." It made me feel funny to see his face contort into sadness at my explanation. I wanted to slap his smile back on his face. "But...I would like to..I mean, could you teach me?" The boy smiled so wide, I thought his gums would show. "My name's Y/N, by the way." I gave him a small wave before taking a seat on the concrete stool.

"Spencer," he said, giving me a crooked smile in return. As I began making my first move on the board, I decided that Spencer and I were going to be best friends. No matter what.

"Well, Spencer, I hope you're prepared to lose. You're my best friend, now. It's rude not to let your best friend win their first game." I watched Spencer gulp, taking time to push his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

"Best friend? Really?" I nodded, profusely. "I've never had a best friend, before..." Truth be told, neither had I. That's why Spencer Reid quickly became the most important person in my life.

-

"Hey, Alexa, have you seen Spencer?" Normally, I wouldn't be asking a senior, of all people, where my best friend was, but I had to hear him talk nonstop at lunch about just how pretty and gorgeous she looked as she had asked him to meet her by the bleachers after school. I had just ran from there. Spencer was nowhere in sight.

"How the hell should I know where Four-Eyes is?" Have I mentioned how much I hate the girls in this school? Especially the pretty popular ones who seem to turn even my best friend, the boy genius, into silly putty whenever they so much as bat their stupid eyelashes at him. I huffed at Alexa, already knowing I wasn't going to get the answer I needed from her. I shuffled my pathetic feet out the doors back towards the bleachers. That's when I heard him. Crying. Oh, hell no. I raced down the hill, unsure of what my eyes would see.

Spencer had been tied up by a couple of worn t-shirts, a blindfold covering up his eyes, and wearing nothing but his boxers. I was going to kill whomever orchestrated this. Once I got to him, my heart broke as he spoke, sputtering his words through sobs. "Ple--please, just leave me al--alone." No, I thought. Killing them wasn't going to cut it. I was going to bury them.

"Spence..hey, it's me. Y/N." I said, gently. I didn't wait for him to ask me, I just started untying the shirts from his wrists and ankles. Looking around, I didn't see any of his clothes. Once I got the last shirt off and Spencer was free, I carefully brought my hand up to the blindfold, slowly pulling it off over his head. "Hi..what happ--" I felt two arms wrap tightly around me in a hug. I would have hugged him back if he hadn't pinched my arms to my sides.

"Thank you, Y/N..." With the blindfold gone, I could see his tear-stained eyes as he looked up at me. I wiggled my limbs free just enough so that I could hug him right back. "Please don't tell my mom about this. I can't have her worry about me." I crinkled my eyebrows at me. Aren't Moms supposed to be worried about their kids?

"I won't, but, Spence...why not?" He's never mentioned his parents much, before. I was beginning to wonder what his home-life was actually like.

"It's--never mind. I doubt my mom will even realize I'm not even home right now." Well, I was now done with listening to Spencer being mopey. I handed him one of the shirts that had been used to tie him up, already planning on giving him a pair of pants from my room as soon as we got there.

"Alright. That's enough. You're coming home with me." I grabbed his hand and led him to my house. Luckily, it was just a couple blocks from his, so if he still wanted to go home, he wouldn't have to walk that far. Spencer didn't object, letting me drag him all the way to my front door. Once we got inside, I knew I'd have to explain to my mom why Spencer came home with me.

"Oh hi, sweetie," Mom said, leaning over her left-overs from the couch in the living room. I watched her eye Spencer who peeked out from behind me. "Spencer, does your mom know you're here?" Our moms met once shortly after we had. I've never been to his house, which was always fine by me. I felt far more comfortable in my own home and, from what I could tell, Spencer did too.

"Y-yeah, sure she does," Spencer squeaked out, causing Mom to raise an eyebrow his way. I grabbed his arm, forcefully, leading him up the stairs to my bedroom. Luckily, I was trusted to have my door closed while Spencer was here. "Y/N! What was that about?" Spencer never liked it when I did something and didn't explain myself right away. It was definitely one of his pet-peeves about me.

"C'mon! You didn't want my mom asking questions, now did you?" He knew she would. Mom's one rule was that she had to meet and talk with at least one parent of anyone who came over to stay longer than ten minutes. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but Spencer's mom seemed frazzled to me that day. I decided to question my best friend as to why he hasn't argued about going home since I pulled him off the football field. I handed him a pair of baggy pants from my dresser. "Alright, spill. Why aren't you at home?" The boy eyed me like I was clueless in asking such an absurd question.

"Be-because you dragged me here, remember?" I did. But, that didn't excuse the fact that he is still here, in my bedroom during dinner time. I watched him put the pants on, surprised that they fit him. Good thing he hadn't outgrown me in height, yet.

"Spencer...isn't your mom..or your dad worried about you right now?" I vaguely recalled his offhand comment about his mom not realizing his absence. Spencer just shook his head, clearly wanting to move off topic. I budged. "Your mom playing hooky, or something?" I completely meant it as a joke, but the way Spencer's face frowned, I lost my appetite for all things funny. I moved closer to him, making sure I caught his eyes with mine, conveying to him that I was now being serious. "Nobody's home...are they?" He looked like the dam behind his eyes was seconds away from breaking. I heard the lump in his throat as he swallowed, adjusting himself as we both moved to sit on my bed.

"You, um, know that my mother is---was a 16th century literature professor, right?" I nodded slowly, recalling when my mom asked his questions, one of them being where she worked, down at the University of Nevada. I sensed that Spencer really didn't want to talk about this. The last thing I wanted was to make him feel uncomfortable. I placed a hand on one of his, bringing my nose directly to his own. I still didn't understand the difference in determining whether my feelings for him were platonic or romantic, but in that moment, I believed my next action would provide me with an honest, satisfying answer. So I brought my lips to his, barely touching, yet I swore I could taste a hint of chocolate.

Spencer backed away, a look on his face I couldn't read. "Hey, I--I'm sorry, just forget about that...I um, I just wanted to see if we were platonic friends..or, um, romantic friends..?" I instantly blamed the copious number of Cosmopolitan magazines I stole from my mom I had read in the past couple weeks.

"Platonic," Spencer breathed out, all too reassuringly. "But, um, it wasn't..bad?" I giggled as I watched him move to scratch at the nape of his neck. I let out a sigh, allowing my head to hit my pillow. I felt Spencer stretch out next to me, his arm tentatively wrapping itself around my own. "Is this okay?" I nodded, burying my face further into my pillow. I didn't even realize we had fallen asleep until I opened my eyes to the sun peering through my window. I felt the weight of my best friend's arm blocking me in tight, as if I were his favorite teddy bear. Just as I was thinking about rolling over to wake him up, my mom opened my door.

"...me see if your favorite daughter is awa--Spencer?!" Well, that trick did it. At the sound of my mother's voice, the boy who had just been snuggled against me under my covers, was now completely out of my bed, trying to scamper out the door. Surprisingly, Mom stopped him. "Y/N, honey, why don't you and Spencer come down for breakfast?" Spencer stopped in his tracks, timidly nodding at her. "Then, you both can explain to me why Spencer is here at 6:45 in the morning on a school day..." Together, we both nodded harshly at that, sharing a look as Mom left us in my room. "Oh, and I better not hear that door close, Y/N. Or I promise you, it'll be gone completely." We both laughed. I felt better about the awkwardness from the night before.

Once downstairs, Spencer told Mom about how he had been tricked and bullied by some kids at school, and how I was there to save him. Why was he lying? I wondered. He then explained that he didn't mean to even come over with me, but his mom is starting to show signs of schizophrenia, and she sometimes forgets about him. I had a feeling that Spencer was telling the truth when it came to his mother. I just wished that he was lying then, too. Judging by the way his eyes glossed over and his bottom lip quivered, I knew he wished for that as well.

Things changed after that night. Thankfully, Spencer and I still remained friends, but we slowly grew apart as the years went by. Spencer graduated early, leaving me to suffer through junior high on my own. I met and made friends with a few girls and even a couple guys, but none of those friendships felt the same as Spencer's did. I never got the nerve to call his house, or even asking if he had a cell phone by the time I had graduated high school. I chose to start anew, going to college in Missouri. I dated, even fell in love. But then, the man asked me to marry him. At 26, I already knew my answer. After graduating with my bachelor's in Creative Writing, I managed to land a job in Woodbridge, Virginia. Another fresh start. This time, I wasn't going to waste it.

-

It's now been three months since I moved into my new apartment. It's also been about two weeks since I began letting my old friend, Spencer, live rent-free in my head. I had found a cute little coffee shop in Quantico of all places, just a short twenty minute drive from my home. I reveled on the drive there and back, getting to blare my love for Nickelback while looking forward to getting a taste of my favorite combination of pumpkin spice and cinnamon in the form of a cup of delicious coffee. A much-needed pick-me-up after the morning I had rudely woken up to. Some asses' car alarm went off at fucking 5:30 this morning. I was in line, practically salivating at the to-go cup the barista had just placed on the counter.

"Black coffee for Spencer!"

I halted mid-step. Spencer? I watched as a tall, slender man walked up, his leather messenger bag bumping other customers along the way. It couldn't be. Could it? I felt my feet move to follow the person in front of me. As I stood still once again, I felt a hot liquid hit me, causing me to squeal. "I am so sorry!" I heard an almost familiar voice apologize. I felt four shades of embarrassment as I trailed my eyes up to see the person who assaulted me with their coffee.

"Y/N?" I gulped. It was him. After all these years, and the universe cracked a joke by having Spencer Reid spill coffee...on me. I wanted to run. I wanted to amscray out that door and into my car, drive home and cancel today. However, as an adult, I simply had to act like the adult I am and suck it up. "Y/N...it's um, it's been a while." Sure has. Thirteen years to be exact.

"Y-yeah, it has," I breathed out, almost forgetting I was still inside the coffee shop, in a blouse that was now drenched in coffee, and none in my hand to drink. Thankfully I remembered I kept a spare shirt in my car for emergencies such as this, though, usually I'm the one spilling on myself. "I-I'm sorry, I've gotta go." Lame, I know, but my brain to mouth filter short-circuited the moment I realized it was Spencer. The boy from my childhood who still felt like the only friend I ever knew I had. I bolted out the door, unlocking the trunk of my car to pull out a loose-fitting t-shirt with 'I hate mornings. And people.' on it.

"Y/N! Wait!" I had just finished taking the front-soaked top off, momentarily showing off my low-cut sports bra as I moved to tug the new shirt on over it. Once I was satisfied with my new look, I caught Spencer standing just a couple of feet in front of me with his eyes as wide as the stain he had made. "Y/N, I--I, um, do you--do you live around here by chance?" Thirteen years and he asks me the one question I wasn't expecting. Typical Spencer. I shook my head, then quickly clarified as I watched his smile frown.

"No, I actually live out in Woodbridge, but I'm the librarian at Georgetown." I fumbled over my words, wondering too, if Spencer moved out this way, or was just visiting.

"Really? Y/N, that's amazing!" It felt good to hear just how sincere he was. "Funny enough, I moved out here a couple of years ago." My jaw slacked. He lived here, too?

"You live here, too?" Forgetting I had a time to be clocked in by, and the fact that I still hadn't had my daily dose of caffeine, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "You want to grab a coffee with me, you know, to catch up; seeing as I never got mine and you spilled yours...on me?" Before I could gauge his reaction or response, his cell phone rang from his jacket pocket.

"Yeah, Reid here---Yeah, give me about ten minutes. Bye." He frowned again, and all I wanted to do was bring back his smile.

"Let me guess, you're needed somewhere?" The boy nods, but asks me for my phone number as he starts walking away. I ran it off to him, internally wondering why he hadn't written it on a piece of paper, or pulled out his phone to type it in. Before I could think to run after him..he was gone. Solemnly, I dragged myself back into the coffee shop, got an iced mocha to go, then headed on my way to campus.

-

It had been a couple weeks now since I bumped into Spencer Reid. As far as I knew, he never called. I even answered every single unknown number that rang, just hoping one of them was him. I felt myself missing my best friend. Knowing we lived close, it brought back all the happy memories I have of him--of us. And I selfishly wanted more.

In a recent lecture I volunteered to give, we discussed how certain words can convey different reactions and feelings from different people. I assigned every student the assignment of asking a partner, spouse, or a loved one a set of thirty-six questions to discover if they felt closer, or, if their partner was of the romantic type, more in love. As I spoke, relaying questions from students who were clearly thinking outside the box, I hated that I felt a tinge of jealousy. At more than a quarter of a century old, I still had nobody. Just as I was about to get in my car and drive home to a bottle of wine and some pizza, I got a call. From a number I didn't recognize.

"Hello?"

"Y/N? Hi--It's Spencer." He didn't forget my number.

"H-hi Spencer," I said, nervously. Why the hell am I nervous? I leaned against my car, hoping I could convince him to accompany me to dinner; just two old friends catching up.

"Sorry for not calling you sooner," Spencer whispered, a hint of sadness in his voice coming through clear as crystal. "But--I, um, I wanted to know if you could meet me at Clancy's in, say twenty minutes?" I guess I failed to tell him I wasn't as familiar with Quantico as he clearly must be.

"Sure, um, can you send me directions? I'm sorry, I just don't know the area fairly well." I hear some clicking in the background, and a few voices I knew for sure weren't his.

"It's off of 15th and Farnam. But yeah, I'll hang up and send them to you." Not even a second later, he hung up. A couple minutes after that, a message pinged.

Spencer📱: Take Main Street North to Farnam.  
Then Farnam East to 15th. The bar is on the left.

A bar. That explains the extra noise. I drove according to Spencer's directions, leading me to park my car in front of Clancy's Bar & Grill.

Me📱: Here. Meet you at the bar?

I made my way past unfamiliar faces, ordering a Long Island Iced Tea, hoping that once in my hand, I'll drink it down to regain at least some of my confidence back. "Hey! There you are." I turned around, straw in mouth, as Spencer came to give me a hug. It felt so weird and so much like home all at the same time. "C'mon, I want to introduce you to a couple of my friends." I followed him to a booth, meeting each one with a smile.

"So, you're the friend that got away," a man, I was introduced to as Derek Morgan, said while everyone was taking shots.

"Well, I don't know about 'got away,' but..yeah, I guess you could say that." In my mind, it was Spencer who got away. And yet, here he was just a few feet from me. Of all the luck in the universe. The night went on, and luckily for me, Spencer wasn't much of a drinker it seemed, so I asked him if he wouldn't mind following me back to my place for some pizza and catching up. To my delightful surprise, he said yes.

-

Half a pizza eaten, and almost an entire bottle of wine gone, Spencer and I fell back easily into the rhythm we had as kids. "Y/N..have you...have you ever been asked any of those thirty-six questions?" I paused, a slice of pizza half-way in my mouth as my eyes shot to his. How the hell did he---? "I may have sat in one of your lectures this morning," Spencer said, a bit sheepishly. I finished biting off my piece, swallowing it down and chasing it with more rose.

"You did what now?" It felt odd knowing that Spencer had seen me in my element. I also wondered if he noticed my jealousy or sadness seep through as I had answered all those additional questions.

"I'm sorry, I know I should've called, but I--I wanted to see how you teach. And I knew that if you saw me, then...." His voice got strangely quiet. I wanted to question it, but at the same time, I was eager to ask one of those thirty-six questions.

"If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?" Spencer looked stunned for a moment. His gaze faltered, causing him to choke on his glass of wine.

"Oh, I--um, easy. The body. My mind is already far more intelligent. And, I'm not even thirty yet." I snorted at his overly-confident answer.

"What, is your IQ through the roof, too?" Spencer laughed, scooching a little closer to me than he had just been before. As I felt my cheeks blush, I thumbed through the questions in my head, waiting to see which one he'd ask.

"Alright, very funny. How about...what is your most treasured memory?" That was easy. And it very much included him.

"The first time we kissed."

The room suddenly became silent. I could hear Spencer breathe in and out and a faster rate than I was. He moved away from me, but only about an inch. I sighed, thankful he didn't jump to the other end of the couch. I would have felt even worse. "You--you remember that?"

"Of course I do," I tell him. "That was the night we learned that we're better suited as friends than lovers." The second those words left my mouth, I felt regretful. And I didn't understand why.

"Friends," I swore I heard Spencer whisper under his breath. I decided to ignore it, moving up from the couch to the kitchen to grab myself some chips. Spencer shuffled his mismatched sock feet behind me, continuing our little game. "Y/N, what's one thing you like about me?" Several. There are several things I like about Spencer Reid.

"Spencer, it's been over a decade. I'm not sure I can even say I know you. I mean, not like I used to." Which was true. Then why did it feel like no time has passed?

"Fair point. Well, what's one thing you did like about me, uhh, back then?"

"You were nice to me. That day we met--when you were playing chess?" I swallowed the lump in my throat, recalling the memory as if it happened yesterday.

"I remember wanting to play Red Rover with you." Spencer's hands were now ghosting my sides, as he leaned his face down near mine. "Do you think if we kiss again, it will change our friendship?" I wanted to say yes, but for some strange reason, I felt like being sarcastic.

"Well, we've kissed before, and nothing changed...so, no."

Spencer leaned in towards me, his nose rubbing up against mine as his breath felt enticing on my neck. I knew, in that moment, I lied. "Y/N..." I'm not sure who initiated it, but before I realized it, Spencer's lips were colliding with my own, tasting of wine and pizza with a hint of coffee. A strangely perfect combination fit for a strangely perfect kind of man. A man who was kissing me with such force, I practically succumbed to every hidden desire I've ever discovered...involving him. I pushed against him, softly, running my tongue carefully over his bottom lip, reveling in the thought of how it would feel to hear him moan my name as if it were a prayer he'd feel he needed to recite every night before falling asleep and every morning the second he woke up. His hands found their new home around the small of my back while mine wandered into his hair, gripping it as if I needed it to maintain balance. Spencer opened his mouth more, welcoming my tongue to travel further, coaxing him much like a drug.

As we broke apart for air, he hoisted me up on the kitchen counter, knocking a few empty pop cans I had laying around, he whispered in my ear, a question I still wasn't sure I knew the answer to. My feelings were everywhere, fighting to decipher what it all meant.

"Just friends?"

It was a question in which the answer alone would decide how the rest of our night--our lives--play out. Could I afford to let someone get that close again? Even if that someone could be Spencer Reid?

"Yeah," I breathed out. "Just friends."

\-------♥--------


	2. Has Anybody Seen the One I Need?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer isn't convinced that what Reader said is true.

\-------♥--------

"Just friends." 

Those were Y/N's last words to me before she abruptly kicked me out of her apartment, leaving me to gawk at the door for five minutes too long, coming to the sad conclusion that she wasn't going to let me back in again. 

"Just friends.." Her words rang through my ears like an insatiable ear worm I couldn't rid myself of no matter how hard I were to try. Thankfully, I was able to make it to the metro in time, getting home shortly after 1:00 a.m. I thought about calling her, or even texting her to ask why she shoved me out after she was the one who told me we were only 'just friends.' 

Everytime I hear it, it's like another tiny prick to my skin, sensitive as it already is. Once I'm changed into a clean shirt and boxers, I lay on my bed facing the ceiling. As I slowly close my eyes, I think back to the moment I realized I loved Y/N much more than just a friend. 

-

Mom had forgotten about me ... again. I tried not to blame her, what was happening to her wasn't her fault. I knew that. I tried to understand it -- I thought I had understood it. Y/N had been strangely ignoring me all day. I was on my way to meet up with her when Alexa Lisbon stopped me. 

"Hi, Spencer," she cooed at me. She quickly brushed her lips across my cheek, telling me to meet her by the goal posts. I did. Like a fool, I listened to a pretty girl. There I was, tied up, stripped down to my boxers with a blindfold on, preventing me from seeing anything. After what felt like forever of silence, I heard Y/N's voice. 

"Spence! Spence...are you okay?" 

I had been crying, feeling the fabric across my face stick to it. "Ple-please, just leave me al-alone." I soon felt her warm hands over mine, gently untying the t-shirts. 

"Spence...hey, it's me. Y/N." I tried to calm my breathing down, but it was no use. The second I felt her fingers at my face, the blindfold coming up to reveal the worry in her eyes, I fell forward, hugging her as tightly as I could manage. 

"Thank you, Y/N..." I managed to squeak out. I already could tell it was well past 8:00 p.m. The nearest streetlight was out. "Please don't tell my mom about this. I can't have her worry about me." I knew there was a slim chance Y/N would ever have the opportunity to say anything to my mother, but I also knew she talked to her mom ... who has, on occasion, talked with my mom. 

After she promised me she wouldn't, she handed me a t-shirt, clearly one that'd been used to tie me up. Next thing I know, Y/N is dragging me past my house towards her's, leaving absolutely no room for argument. Y/N's mom greeted me as she always did, and I lied through my thick straw hat. Once we were up in her room, Y/N freaked out on me. 

"Spencer...isn't your mom .. or your dad worried about you right now?" I knew she was only trying to help, but I couldn't find it in me to tell her the whole truth. After I gave her a vague reason to her question, the two of us just sat in an awkward silence. 

Next thing I know, I'm feeling her soft hand hover over mine, her nose barely rubbing my own. In a matter of seconds, her lips pressed lightly against mine, sending a shocking internal signal to my groin. I pulled away just as quickly, unsure of what exactly had just happened. 

"Hey, I-I'm sorry, just forget about that...I um, I just wanted to see if we were platonic friends..or, um, romantic friends...? Y/N's words tapered off, and I was still there, staring like an idiot, my brain choosing to malfunction at the worst possible time. 

"Platonic," I rambled, desperately trying to smooth over any awkwardness I now felt. "But, um, it wasn't ... bad?" My hand moved on its own, my fingernails scratching at a spot on my neck that all of a sudden began to itch. Once I felt the awkwardness had passed, I moved to lay with her on her bed dozing off without even realizing it. 

That was ... until her mother walked in on us. 

The next morning. 

-

Shit! My eyes shot open as I took in my surroundings. I'm home, I'm in bed ... my bed. That's good. I fell back, rolling over my dream, or more accurately my past. That's when the realization dawned on me. Fuck, I told her I only thought of her as a friend!

The next week went by with exactly 38 missed calls, 23 texts read with no response, and her voicemail box completely full. I knew she was actively avoiding me, but what I couldn't understand was why. Y/N had to of felt something, if not last night, then at least she did thirteen years ago. Why else would she have kissed me? God, I'm so fucking stupid. 

Without using my rational brain, I opted to go pay the Georgetown Municipal Library a spontaneous visit. According to her schedule, she should be working until about 4:00 p.m. today. I just needed to talk with her. She needs to know how I feel if it hadn't been obvious already, at least since we ran into each other that day at the coffee shop. 

After walking past the double doors, I made a beeline straight for the circulatory desk. 

"Hi, is--is um, is Y/N here?" It only clicked in my head then that she could very well be teaching another lecture at this time. The seemingly nice woman who was sitting there glanced down at her monitor, then back at me. 

"I'm sorry, Sir, she's not on the schedule today." Lie. 

"No, please, I know she's supposed to be working today. Y/N never misses work unless---" Unless .. what? Why would Y/N skip out on work? It just--doesn't sound like her. "Could I speak to her boss then?" I know it must've sounded silly to her, but I needed to know my best friend was okay. I need to know the woman I am in love with is okay. With a small smile, the woman excused herself, telling me that she'd go see if the library director was in today. 

Sure enough, after what felt like hours, an elderly gentleman emerged from an office behind the desk, walking up to me with a raised hand. "Hello, Sir, my name is Dr. Reginald Nierling, how may I help you, today?" I scoffed lightly at his generic question. DIdn't the kind woman inform him I was here for Y/N? 

"I'm here to see Y/N, I know she's working today. It's on her schedule and she never misses a day." It was true. I can recall multiple times I've called her only to be told she had a full shift that day. Today should've been no different. So why wasn't she here? 

"I'm sorry, Sir---"

"Dr. Spencer Reid," I said, curtly. 

"I'm terribly sorry, Dr. Reid, but Y/N no longer works here." The shortness of his voice led me to believe that something happened. Something that sure couldn't have been Y/N's fault. Not entirely, anyway. 

"No, with all due respect, Dr. Nierling, I know Y/N, this is her dream job, she would not just quit." 

I took an intentional step forward, puffing out my chest in the process. If this was even a fraction of how he must've clearly been treating Y/N, then I could believe how she would just up and quit without so much as giving a two-weeks notice. 

"While this is the first time I've come to visit her, I know for a fact that she's been nothing but an incredible asset to this university's library." I took another small step towards him, grateful that I stood a clear three inches taller. "Tell me, are any of your other employees as efficient at going out of their way to managing the library's budget? How about when I'm sure she's taken precious time out of her day to help when a student is in need of further research materials, or equipment?" 

By this point, I no longer cared what the man in front of me had to say to me, let alone Y/N. 

"Best of luck finding her replacement," I sneered sarcastically as I turned around my my heels, pacing out of there faster than lightning in my trusty converse. The moment I heard the door click shut behind me, I pulled out my phone and called Y/N, again. Hearing it ring gave me an odd calming feeling. 

But then, it went to her voicemail. 

She's okay, the last thing you need to do is run over there in mild panic. Truth be told, I run straight over to her apartment -- and I did so in major panic mode. 

By the time I felt my knuckles beginning to bruise from banging on the hardwood of her front door, I slowly stopped, lowering my hand while resting my forehead in its' previous place. 

"Y/N ... if you're in there, look I just -- I'm so sorry." I thought about sliding down the door, sitting against it as if that alone would somehow bring her to come forward and open it for me. "I'm just --- I came here because I -- I found out what happened and I really want to be here for you, so please, Y/N, let me in." 

More silence followed. Just when I assumed she'd gone to bed, I'm stirred out of my own head by the sound of shuffling from the other side. Y/N. I quickly jumped back just as the familiar clicking of the deadbolt was being removed, allowing for the door to open. 

"Spence ..? What're you doing here?" I know, from her standpoint, it's a very valid question, but from mine, well, after the day I've had...hell, after the week I've had...

"Thank god you're alright!" I practically fell forward, latching onto my best friend in a way I hadn't done in years. I gripped the sweater she was wearing, nudging my nose directly into the crease where her neck and shoulder meet. "You scared me, Y/N ... I-- I couldn't find you.." Without loosening my hold, I walked us both back into her apartment, allowing her to raise a hand to the deadbolt to lock it before completely embracing her warmth once more. 

"I'm okay, promise, it's--well, I got myself fired today." My initial response was to hum a small 'yeah, I know,' but instead I simply kept her in my grasp, silently telling her I never wanted to let go. "Working there," she sniffled, drying her eyes on the sleeve of my shirt, "was my dream job, Spence, and I---I fucked it up all because I called in." I furrowed my brows at her as we awkwardly pulled apart and walked over to her couch. 

"Y/N, there should've been no reason for Dr. Nierling to have fired you just because you called in once." It was too late before I realized my mistake. I'd said his name. A name I wasn't told to know ... at least, not by her. 

"Doctor Nierl---wait, Spence, how do you know my boss---my old boss' name?" I swallowed any confidence I had built up, letting it shatter to the floor near our feet as I began mumbling incoherently until Y/N's phone rang, breaking the tension. "Hello?" she put up one finger, moving from her spot on the couch to go pace around the living room, eventually making her way into the kitchen. I silently got up to follow. "Yes, well, you fired me, I needed that job---yeah, I've already applied to other places." Standing there with nothing to do except look at her, I couldn't help but feel like I might've made it worse by showing up at the library like that. "Oh, really?!" Now my ears have perked up. Y/N glanced up over at me for a split second before turning her back to me again. "While I do understand that was uncalled for, I'm glad he did---yes, no, no I won't be taking my job back, thank you. Have a fantastic rest of your day, Dr. Nierling." With that, I watched her set her phone down, looking back at me as if she were expecting me to do something--say something. 

When I couldn't get my mouth to move, Y/N spoke again, almost at a whisper. 

"I--I'm sorry for ... you know, before," she murmured, letting her eyes fall to my feet instead of my eyes. I darted my eyes around her kitchen, much like she had, both of us relying on the other to break the unfortunate silence that overtook her apartment. 

Then her phone rang again. 

"Hello? .... Yes, this is she ... Oh my god, really? Yes, yes Sir, I can come in at that time ... No, please, thank you!" When she hung up and set her phone down this time, I expected her to politely show me to the door. Instead, Y/N pretty much attacked me by jumping up into my arms, causing me to not only backup into the counter, but also grip her firmly by her ass in the process. I swear, once I found my footing, for a split second, I watched her eyes drop down to my lips and the moment my eyes followed her lips back to her eyes, her lips were on mine. 

I felt her hands move to grip my cheeks, her fingers slowly threading themselves through my hair. I wanted to pull away, if only to ask her why she was kissing me. Was it due to all the excitement of whatever happened with her over the phone just now? Was she simply imagining I was someone else? Just before I was able to break the kiss, I swore I felt the tip of her tongue slightly brush over my bottom lip. After what felt like forever, I forced my eyes to meet hers---except they were facing the space between us, instead. 

"Sor--"  
"Y/N---"

I gave her my best tight-lip smile, motioning with my hand for her to finish what she was trying to say. I closed my eyes in hopes to mentally prepare myself for what I could only assume was to come next. Y/N wrung her fingers questionably in her lap as she jerked away from me slowly, a look of apology clear in her eyes. 

"So-sorry, Spence, it's just---well, I've been in love with you for so long," she spoke with such unadulterated clarity that I had to suck in a breath before swallowing my guilt once again. "I mean, I know you made it clear you don't feel the sa---hhmmmm." The second my ears heard those words come out of the mouth of the girl I've had feelings for since I can remember, I had to shut her up. First, with my mouth on hers, gently caressing every inch as I silently begged for her to let my tongue slip inside. 

"I lied," I managed to say one of the times we broke apart for air. Y/N pressed a firm hand to my chest, looking up at me with longing and a tiny hint of betrayal. 

"You what?" 

"Thirteen years ago ... the night after you rescued me ..." Y/N successfully cut me off by trailing her hands back around my neck, pulling me into a kiss that was passionate but much shorter than I would have liked. As I followed her lips with mine, she met me for a very brief second, giggling as she moved us back towards the couch, straddling me as we hit the cushions together. With her eyes a bit darker, she tilted her head slightly to one side, a single fingertip grazing my arm from my knuckles all the way up to my lips. 

"You're a genius, are you not?" she murmured, tapping the bow of my lips with her finger. I nodded my head, a smile forming on reflex ... and I almost moved to take her finger in my mouth. Almost. "Happen to know what that kiss means?" Of course I knew what it meant. 

"What you gave me is widely known as a 'peck' kiss, meaning a casual, often times brief touch on the lips or other areas of skin." I lean in to return the gesture back to her, lingering just enough that our lips brush against each other as I slowly pull back with a notable smirk. "It also means you lied." I watched with glee as Y/N gasped, pulling her eyes away from me as she clearly mulled over any possibility that I might be wrong. "I also am aware that by definition, a quick peck on the lips signifies that you like me." My eyes fall to the spot on her neck I've been dying to touch with my tongue since the first time she kissed me. "You know, I'd be more than happy to recite the meanings behind ... other types of kisses. Want me to tell you?" What she said next was heard as more of a demand than a request, which sent a thrill directly south. 

"Show me." 

"How about both," I groaned as I gently nudged my nose against hers. I pull back just enough to raise my head a little, planting a soft peck on the bridge of her adorable nose. "A gentle kiss on the nose means that I think you're cute ... while rubbing mine with yours stands to mean you are the one person in this world who makes me smile beyond reason." The dopey smile that spread across her lips made my heart skip a step. 

"Is that all?" Y/N's voice was soft, her breath fanning my face as she begged me with her eyes to continue. I moved to graze her lips with mine, instantly trailing down her jawline, nipping softly at each tiny mole before carefully making my way back up. I strategically darted my tongue out, sucking at each spot I had bit at. "Sp-Spencer...fuck!" I took that as a sign to rub my tongue across the expanse of her neck, seeking out that spot I'm hoping will make her moan directly into my ear. "A-are we go-going to ...?" I nodded just before capturing her lips in a kiss that further cemented in my head -- we belong together. 

"As I lick over every sensitive detail of your body, know I am telling you just how badly I want you," I breathed out, moving back in to relish in the feeling that this is actually happening -- that it's not just a beautiful disaster of a dream I will be forced to wake up from. I've had too many of those to last me lifetimes. I make sure to deliberately pull back slightly, wrapping my lips only her bottom one, sucking it at a tantalizing slow pace. I heard her whine when I let go, bringing my hand up to grip her hair, preventing her lips from following mine any further. "That --" I exhaled out, failing to catch my own breath, "--shows you how long I've been waiting .. fuck, I can't seem to get enough of you now, Bubbles." 

The nickname flowed off my tongue before I could catch it. I waited to hear if it was a name she liked, I'd always meant to call her that -- I did, but her name is so beautiful, it was always my chosen response. "Bubbles, huh?" I felt her smirk against my skin as she met me again in a lingering kiss. I drop my hand from her hair, trailing it down her back until it met my other hand gripping at the seams of her blouse. The moment the sheer piece of fabric hit the floor, her mouth as hot on my neck, repeating my actions back to me. "Care to enlighten me as to what this particular kiss means, Apollo?" At the sound of her new pet name for me, I felt my knees give just enough to allow her access to more territory for her to mark as her own. 

"It uh, it means you're um --- fuck -- that you're telling me that I'm yours." I felt her gently nip and suck a little lower, her fingers beginning to undo the buttons of my dress shirt. Without thinking, I raised my hands from her hips up to my chest, caressing her delicate hands as I pulled them off, whispering against her hair. "If it's alright with you, baby, I'd prefer to stay dressed." The way I heard her keen sent an intoxicating thrill down my spine. 

As I moved to push down the straps of her bra, I leaned in near her ear, blowing gently over every inch before sinking my teeth into the cartilage, tracing around the sensitive area with the tip of my tongue. "Fuck, Spence, can we ... ?" Upon hearing her plea, I removed myself from her entirely, intertwining her fingers with mine while leading her down the hall to her bedroom, a place I've had the privilege of seeing before, but somehow this time seems different. 

"In case you couldn't tell --" I groaned, motioning to my obvious arousal pressing against the inseam of my slacks, "--that last kiss was meant to convey just how much you turn me on simply by existing." Y/N simply giggled until we stopped just outside her door. 

"Come here," she murmured, bending her index finger in a begging manner. I complied, placing each hand near her head, encasing her with my body. As I dipped down, Y/N moved her head to one side, causing me to graze over her cheekbone with my lips. I chuckled a little, removing my right hand from the wall to place it softly under her chin, lifting her eyes to meet mine. 

"So ... you're looking to play now, are you Bubbles?" I enjoyed watching the way her irises clouded over, revealing nothing but utter lust in their wake. She moved towards me, those same piercing eyes fixed on my lips, drawing me in without my permission. I was able to pause, shifting my hand down as I tentatively wrapped my fingers around her precious neck. The whines that spilled from her precocious pout were melodic to my ears. 

"Ye--yes, fuck, I am." Without another word, I latched my mouth onto the valley of her breasts, leaving tiny markings for her to display later. My hands found the clasp, undoing it in seconds. Y/N wasted no time letting her arms fall limp against the wall, her bra landing on the hardwood floor with little sound. I palmed one breast, rubbing her nipple to its peak, then squeezing it lightly in between the tips of my fingers. I lapped my tongue over her other breast, fondling it while letting my jaw go slack as I proceeded to suck with pleasure. As I closed around her erect pebble, I nipped it with my teeth hard, causing a sharp whimper to exhale past her lips. 

"I hope you know you're going to regret that." 

Without giving her warning, I knelt down to gather Y/N in my arms, smirking as I felt her play with my now loosened tie. After walking through the door, I spun her around slowly and by the time I had set her back down on her feet, my tie was thrown to the floor. "You weren't thinking of using that, were you?" Her sultry voice beckoned me to wrap myself around her, inhaling everything she is and more. I dipped my head towards her shoulder, leaving a trail of feather-light kisses as I moved her hair to the front, my eyes now locked on a beauty mark nicely hidden near her hairline. I bring my lips to that very same mole, beginning a plethora of open-mouthed kisses along her back, whispering to her and I breathe for air. 

"This feels like a dream." 

Y/N giggled as she turned around, her eyes finding mine just as quickly as her lips beckoned me like a moth to a flame, one I can only hope stays lit forever. With her hands weaving through my hair, I felt a gentle tug at first, then a stronger one, ripping a low moan from deep within my throat. "Should I pinch you?" I barely registered her question, feeling her hand leave my cheek as it trailed down my arm where she then moved it directly on my ass. Just as I felt her retract her hand slightly, I gripped her wrist, bringing it to my lips, peppering every tiny wrinkle I could find. 

"Have I ever told you that each and every little part of you is beyond beautiful to me?" I knew part of that thought came to mind because she asked me to explain to her what each kiss meant, but in the moment, I was awestruck simply by her presence alone. Why did I wait this long to be brave? To ask for what my heart has desired for so long? I still was reeling from what she had confessed to me earlier. 

"I've been in love with you for so long."

I let her confession spur me on as I kissed my way over her shoulder blades, enunciating each newfound mole with a small nip with my teeth, eliciting such wonderful mewls from her lips. As I followed the map of her body in my head, I remembered all the small moments where it was just the two of us, be it watching Doctor Who or simply enjoying a playful stroll in the park. We were foolish to think what we have between us was anything less than love. Pure, romantic, blissful love. While my lips marked her flesh, my hands were quick to shed her of the remaining layers that had kept me from her for far too long. 

"You really think I'm beautiful?" I faltered in my menstrations, halting just above the indent behind her left knee. I looked up at her, hoping to meet her eyes as I gently tapped her thigh. When Y/N shifted slightly to gaze down at me, I was thankful to be knelt on the floor for surely I knees would have given out otherwise. 

"Oh Bubbles, you have always been beautiful in my eyes." As I exhaled, I moved to latch my mouth to the back of her knee, letting my tongue swipe across the the very indentation I'd been eyeing only seconds earlier. "Fuck, Y/N, I want nothing more than to make you feel good." Once she was completely bare to me, I scooped her up, carefully laying her on her bed. Of all the times I've imagined having her like this, it never occured to me that it would end up being when we're both in our late twenties, in her bed, one as far as I know she hasn't shared with anyone. 

Until tonight. 

With me. 

"Please, Spence, please .. show me." I quickly toed off my shoes, hovering over her on the bed, taking her adorable pout by force, clashing my teeth with hers, our tongues dancing with a fervor I'd wager neither one of us ever thought ourselves capable of. As I pulled away, catching her bottom lip in an alluring attempt to keep her beneath me, a sensually mischievous idea crossed my mind. I bent down to kiss her again, lingering softly while bumping my nose with hers. 

"Wait right here, Bubbles," I whispered before hopping off the bed, making my way to her bathroom. I vaguely heard her call out for me, but I was too far in my own head, conjuring up the noises she'll no doubt make once I put my newfound plan to action. I turned the knob to the coldest temperature possible. I placed my index and middle fingers underneath the ice water, calmly reminding myself that the end result will be worth it. 

When I walked back into her room, I was surprised to find her exactly how I left her. Only, there was one very loud difference. As I carefully paced toward her bed, I realized she hadn't seen me walk back in. Her eyes were clenched shut, one hand gripping the plush comforter while the other held the the vibrant lilac bullet directly over her clit. I watched in amazement as I slowly unzipped my painfully erect cock, gathering enough precum at the tip to methodically pump myself to the vibrations my ears couldn't stop listening to. 

When I couldn't take anymore of her whines and whimpers, knowing I wasn't currently the cause of them, I didn't care to tuck myself back in, moving to the foot of her bed. As lightly as possible, I let my fingernails carve their way up her legs, over her thighs until one hand moved to grip the offending object while my other hand pressed firmly on her thigh, keeping her in place. "Shit! Oh, fuck, Spence..? Wh-when..?" I couldn't help but smirk at her loss of words while I acquainted my lips with her clit. 

My brain shut down as I felt her legs tremble under my touch. The feeling was exhilarating. I traced all around it with my tongue, sucking and gently nipping at areas I felt I knew would be extra sensitive, and I was right. Her broken mewls and cries only fueled my need more to taste her sickly sweet arousal I hoped was caused by my earlier actions. With the hand I had stuck under the cold water minutes prior, I traced around her cunt, sliding a finger in while simultaneously still sucking at kitty licking at her clit. 

"Fuck, Bubbles!" I groaned as I pushed a second finger inside her, reaching her g-spot with ease, hearing more gasps and barely-there whimpers from the woman I was currently lapping at. 

"Fuck, Spence! That's cold!" was all my muffled ears could pick up as I kept my face hidden between her thighs. Each time I sunk a finger or two inside her, I made sure to keep my mouth away, no matter how much I felt pulled back like a magnet to her sex. Instead, I chose to hastily sprinkle quick kisses along the inside of her thighs, enjoying the many noises telling me in not so many words that she's feeling pleasured by me -- and me alone. "Fuucckk, I'm so close.." I headed her warning, bringing my mouth back down to her dripping heat, pumping my fingers in and out relentlessly, picking up the pace as much I felt I could. When I felt her legs shudder around me, I continued my rigorous motions, helping her ride out her orgasm, though I had a sinking feeling it hadn't been her first one of the night. 

As I finish cleaning up the amazing mess I made, I moved to bring my hand up to my mouth, but before I could wipe the excess of her essence off my lips, Y/N grabbed my face with both hands, successfully bringing my mouth to hers. My hands instantly went to her hips while she dropped one hand down to palm at my erection still poking out from behind my slacks. "Fucking hell, Bubbles!" Without warning, I felt her hand move to grip my shoulder, turning me over as my entire body hit the mattress with a soft thump. 

"You know," Y/N whispers as she crawls over me, leaning down near my ear, "I was getting a little jealous .. being the only one naked, but I do love how you look in a suit, Apollo." Before she had the chance to move, I captured her lips once more, feeling every ounce of pent-up frustration I've forced myself to endure over these past years. I finally have the one I've wanted, needed for so long, and she's here .. in this moment with me. 

"Fuuuck, I love you, Y/N," I breathed out, no longer caring what consequences may follow. "I'm so in love with you and I'm a total idiot, but I think I'll be okay as long as I'm your idiot." Without any more words spoken between us, Y/N situated herself on top of me, giving me a panoramic view of her gorgeous body. Watching as she gripped my member, slowly she teased her entrance, giving us both a taste, Y/N sank down on me, taking me in inch by inch. After a moment, she began rocking her hips gently, scratching my chest roughly over the fabric of my dress shirt. The way the material of my pants rubbed against our skins caused a new wonderous friction between us as we both started picking up our pace. 

Once the feeling within each of us reached its climax, Y/N pulled me in for a kiss that felt more animalistic and romantic at the same time. When our lips separated, she whispered something I will never get tired of hearing. "My Apollo, my Spencer." As we laid there on her bed, panting over what just happened, Y/N began giggling as she rolled over to face me. 

"What's so funny?" 

"No-nothing, it--it's just, well, you were taking forever in the bathroom --- can you blame me for taking matters into my own hands?" I couldn't keep the smirk off my face even if I tried. Moments like this, sometimes Y/N was simply too cute for words. She always seemed to make my heart stutter on site. 

"Technically, you weren't caught using your hands, Bubbles." The faint blush that flooded her cheeks was endearing all on its own. 

"Well," she huffed, "you clearly didn't seem to mind, Apollo." I simply shook my head at her as the two of us reluctantly removed ourselves from her comforter, taking turns in the bathroom to freshen up before crawling back underneath the covers, settling against each other. I opened my arms out to invite Y/N to scoot as close to me as possible, feeling her head against my chest felt all the more like home. "Spencer?" she asked after a calm bout of silence. I looked down, letting her know she had my full attention. "Since when do you call me Bubbles?" I felt my own cheeks heat up at the implication, choosing to explain my way out of it as best I knew how. 

"I've had the name in my head for a while," I admitted, still not quite keeping eye contact with her. "It's just --- you've always been so lively and giggly, and simply full of sunshine whenever I'm around you." 

'And you never once wondered or even thought about why that is?" 

I paused. Truth is, I did. In fact, I'm pretty sure I overanalyzed that concept throughout the majority of our friendship. 

"I had...I just could never wrap my high IQ brain around the assumption that you liked me this way." Y/N only smirked at that, leaning up to steal a passionate kiss from me. "Why Apollo?" I asked her. I knew what the greek god resembled, I just could never trust that a soul out there would ever honestly compare me to him. 

"Because, Spence, believe it or not, you are by far the most beloved human being on the face of this entire planet," she smiled wide. "Whenever I look at you, all I can see is the epitome of perfection." 

"If that's the case, you might want to look into getting those rose-tinted glasses checked." At that, we both laughed. There was a mutual understanding that we truly did love each other despite what either of us had assumed this whole time. 

Just as I was finally getting comfy, I heard Y/N whisper something so soft, I almost missed it. 

"You feeling up for sexonds?" I shook my head, pressing a soft kiss to her temple, silently begging her to fall asleep with me. "Alright, but --" she pouted, snuggling even closer to my side, "-- Next time, you can be the one who's naked." 

"Sure thing, Bubbles." 

\-------♥--------

The End.


End file.
